Christmas Stress: Tips for Dealing With Family During the Holidays
It’s Christmas Eve and you can feel your pulse quickening. There are still gifts to buy (looking at you, shopping list), your mother-in-law probably wants the “perfect” holiday meal and you can be sure that your uncle will have something to say about your dating life. If that sounds similar, you’re not alone. Millions of people around the world experience Christmas anxiety.
For all the parties and hopefulness of joy, holiday season can mean lots of stress. Hamilton told The Huffington Post: “The thing is, the pressure to give the perfect gift, family dynamics and financial stress combine in a cocktail that weighs heavily on our mental health.” In Greece, and especially in Chania and through Crete, we have very strong family customs which both generate a lot of warmth but also bring additional pressure during the holidays.
This post will explain the reasons for Christmas anxiety, how to recognize it and 10 ways to address holiday stress. Whatever your struggle with the holidays (whether it’s family, finances or a little lonesomeness) you will find practical advice that is set in science to help get you through.
What Is Christmas Anxiety?
Christmas anxiety refers to a type of stress which may originate during the holiday season, usually from late November till early January. It’s not the same as regular old anxiety, since it is caused by situations that are specific to this festive period — think: family parties and gift-giving expectations.
2018 American Psychologist Association (2023) noted that about 38% of Americans experience higher stress over the holiday. Among women, whose burden for holiday preparations tends to be higher, that number climbs to 44%. A report by NAMI states that 64% of people with mental illness feel that the holidays make their condition worse.
Christmas anxiety is a sane response to insane requests. It’s during this time that financial pressure, routine disruption and social expectations reach their peak. Our brains react to these stressors as they would if we were facing the tiger itself, and activate our stress response system.
Please know it’s normal to feel stressed during the holidays. That gap between how we “should” be feeling during Christmas and what we’re actually feeling gives rise to more guilt and shame. And the first step to managing it effectively is to accept that holiday stress is real and normal.
Pincher Post: A University of Copenhagen study from 2022 found that holiday stress soars up to around a week before Christmas and declines incrementally after New Year’s. This pattern is worth knowing and can be useful in the leadup to those harder times.
Most Common Triggers for Anxiety on the Holidays
Financial Pressure and Gifts
Cash woes are the No. 1 source of holiday anxiety. A 2023 survey by the American Psychological Association found that 62 percent of adults say money is a major source of holiday stress. Not to mention, the expectation of purchasing gifts for family, coworkers, and friends can stretch even healthy budgets.
The day and days around it are typically big spending events for Europe, where the average person budgets between 500 euros to 1,000 euros for presents, decorations and celebrating. For a lot of families in Chania and all over Greece, this is 100% of your monthly wage. The pressure to provide “perfect” gifts that show love and appreciation could result in overspending, which ultimately results in financial regret.
Social comparison intensifies this pressure. The sight of ostentatious gifts on social media or stories of co-workers’ expensive purchases stirs feelings of inadequacy. Many people get into debt during the holidays, creating stress that extends well into the new year.
Family Expectations and Obligations
It’s the time of year for endless social engagements that can make the most sociable among us feel a bit stretched. The calendar is filled with family gatherings, work parties and community fetes. Every event is a drain of energy, prep and emotional labor.
Feeling joyous and thankful every time you come together becomes a psychic burden. If our own experience inside doesn’t either find that joy, and instead feels guilty about not finding it, or alternatively feels defective because we can’t achieve an internal state of joy that reflects the level jumping around us. For people suffering from depression, sadness or situational hardships — it’s a tough one.
For many of us, the holidays are a time to travel great distances to see family. “Travel is stressful, combined with lack of sleep and being outside of typical routines,” he says “all make existing anxiety worse.” Adjusting to the inevitable, with respect to simultaneous family commitments in divorced parent or extended families can be an emotional roller-coaster.
Encounters with Difficult Family Members
At family gatherings, you often get people who don’t generally hang out with each other. Disagreements from the past, lingering resentments or deep divisions in values and/or politics can lead to awkward moments.
Typical daunting situations are family members who like to make snide remarks regarding your weight, job status or love life. Politics disagreements are one of the most common causes of family feuds. Old wounds and grudges that were never resolved can be exhumed during holiday reunions.
According to a study released in the Journal of Family Psychology (2021) 73% of adults report that they experience at least some level of holiday stress as a consequence of family interactions. The dread of such painful encounters is often more excruciating than the actual events.
“Perfect” Christmas: Myth vs. Reality
The way Christmas is depicted in the media sets unrealistic standards. Movies, ads and other media portray an idealized holiday that includes a rosy-cheeked family with the perfect home and perfect moments. Rarely does the real world conform to these images.
The pressure to orchestrate Instagram-worthy celebrations has only increased in the last few years. Parents today feel required to set up elaborate elf displays, throw Pinterest-perfect parties and document every moment for social media. This performative quality of the holidays is stressful enough for millions already struggling.
The notion of the perfect Christmas is a myth that guarantees disappointment. When the rubber meets the road and reality can’t live up to these false expectations, we feel defeated. It can be quite liberating when we see that the “perfect” Christmas is not something that anyone achieves ever, or even in many cases tries to achieve.
Loneliness During the Holidays
The holidays can exacerbate loneliness and grief, especially for people without close family or those who have lost them in recent times. The focus on togetherness points up what is lacking. Seeing others celebrating with one another can make the pain of being alone even worse.
Those who have gone through a recent divorce, lost a loved one or are estranged from family often find the holidays to be an especially difficult season. The first Christmas after a profound loss can be particularly daunting. Others, with family nearby, may experience loneliness due to shallow or strained relationships.
Figures from the Mental Health Foundation state that 34% of adults feel more lonely over Christmas. This isolation is linked to higher rates of depression and anxiety. It is sobering but essential for the lonely — and those who can help support them for a short season by getting on their calendars in sharing life together.
How Does Greek Family Culture Impact the Holidays?
The Cretan Traditions and the Angst of “Doing Everything Right”
In Chania, as all over of Crete Island, Christmas customs and traditions have a profound cultural dimension. Delicious traditional sweets and Christmas breads, such as melomakarona, kourabiedes and christopsomo take time to prepare. One of the pressure points is that these traditions are expected to be maintained perfectly, and predominantly by women (who usually prepare holidays).
Cretan customs of hospitality mean the house must be clean and there should be more food on the table than necessary when guests arrive. The word “filoxenia” doesn’t simply mean hospitality, it embodies a profound cultural characteristic of opening your doors to everyone so freely. Closely aligning with those two ideals while working, raising children and doing all the other things one generally needs to do can feel like an overwhelming proposition.
Then there are the religious obligations of Christmas in Greece. Churchgoing, the Christmas fast and community celebrations take time and energy. For some, if religion has played a lesser role in their lives, family expectations regarding these traditions can be a source of tension.
Large Family Gatherings and Organization
Greek family relationships are very tight; extended family members are deeply involved in your day-to-day life. It’s a closeness that gives wonderful support and also another layer of holiday obligations. In Greek tradition, to turn down family invitations is an unfathomable sign of disrespect.
In Greece, holiday gatherings may be multigenerational and include many people. Getting the food, seating and entertainment organized for 15 or twenty members of your family takes a little planning. The casual character of Greek family affairs also obliges hosts to expect guests who show up early, overstay, or add uninvited plus-ones.
For Greek families residing in Chania and elsewhere in Crete, relatives from Athens or even overseas may visit for the holidays. The pressure to do Cretan traditions proud and deliver an exciting visit for visiting family members makes the season all the more stressful.
Christmas Anxiety Symptoms To Look Out For
Being able to identify the symptoms of holiday-related stress means you can intervene sooner. Symptoms of Christmas anxiety include emotional, physical, and behavioral signs.
Emotional Symptoms:
Excessive irritability, and an apparent nervousness out of all proportion to circumstances.
Depressed or sad mood even in the midst of holiday atmosphere
Feeling snowed under with a lot of work and not enough time
Guilt about not feeling the holidays or doing enough
Apprehension about pending family get togethers or functions
Feelings of dread at the thought of holiday responsibilities
Physical Symptoms:
Tension headaches in the temples and back of the neck
Tight muscles, particularly in shoulders and jaw.
Trouble falling asleep, or waking often throughout the night
Tiredness even after sleep
Stomach upset, nausea or appetite changes.
Heart beating faster or feeling of tightness in your chest
Lowered immunity causing you to be more susceptible to colds
Behavioral Symptoms:
Avoidance of social events or excuses to depart early
Binge-eating or drinking as a way of coping
Procrastination of holiday prep as deadlines grow closer.
Withdrawal from society and acquaintances
Frequent arguing with partners, children or other family members
Ignoring self care (exercising or getting enough sleep)
Shopping or over-spending on gifts
If you see yourself in a number of these signs, it’s time to find ways how to deal with stress or get help. A therapist in Chania, or anywhere else in Greece, can provide you with the appropriate tools to deal with holiday-related stress issues.
10 Tips for Dealing with Christmas Anxiety
1. Set Realistic Expectations
The perfect holiday is the stuff of movies. Weep when things go wrong, a relative gets on your last nerve and some gifts miss the mark. Realizing that nothing will every truly go according to plan (at least not in the way you’d expect it to) is a thought process that helps to bring you back down from crazy town when expectations don’t meet reality.
Figure out what you really want before the holiday season starts. Maybe it’s the time you spend with your kids or one good conversation with a parent. Concentrate on these instead of aiming for perfection in all areas of the celebrations. Set those goals as a family so you are all on the same page.
2. Learn to Say “No”
You can’t make every party, purchase every gift, or please everyone. It is important to say “no” to some things in order to protect your mental health. And please remember, every “yes” to some things you don’t want to do is a “no” to something you do want.
Practice polite but firm refusals. “Thank you for the invitation, but I won’t be able to attend.” You don’t have to explain yourself and say sorry more than you need to. Creating boundaries is not selfish, but essential for longterm well-being.
3. Budget and Financial Planning
Set an unbreakable budget before you begin your holiday shopping. Make a list of everyone you have to buy gifts for, and how much you want to spend on each. Think of alternatives to expensive gifts like homemade presents, an experience or a donation in someone’s name to charity.
Monitor your spending throughout the season to avert sticker shock. Pay cash or use a designated debit card (set up specifically for the holidays) when making holiday purchases to avoid holiday credit card debt. Keep in mind that a gift is valued by the intention and not the price. A heartfelt letter can be more meaningful than any expensive gift.
4. Keep Time for Yourself
If anything, self-care is more important, not less, when we’re under stress. Block off periods during the day to do things you know rejuvenate you, like reading, walking, working out or just sitting quietly. Guard this time like you would a crucial appointment.
Just 15 minutes of daily alone time can do wonders to lower stress. Wake before the rest of your house to experience silent coffee, go for a brief walk after lunch or define a bedtime routine that equates with cooling down. Tell family members you need this time and that it makes you a more pleasant person to be around.
5. Set Limits with Challenging Relatives
Have strategies in place to deal with difficult relatives before events take place. Determine in advance what topics you won’t discuss and practice gently steering conversations. It can be useful to have a partner or somebody on your side who can redirect conversation, offer an excuse for moving away.
Minimize your exposure to extremely difficult individuals. You can stay for a shorter time, take your place across the room or make sure to sit next to someone other than a stress reducer. There is nothing wrong with getting yourself out of a conversation that veers into territory you find painful or uncomfortable with the words “Excuse me, I need to take care of something.”
6. Maintain Healthy Habits
The end-of-year holidays can also be an obstacle for sleep, workouts and eating well. Mental health is impacted by these disruptions. Be aware that you need to hang on to your normal healthy routine as much as humanly possible.
Try to get in seven to eight hours of sleep, despite a busy schedule. Maintain regular workouts, even if they are shortened. Indulge in treats with the holiday season moderation, but (not at all) forget to keep your nutrition in mind. Moderate your alcohol to avoid compounding anxiety and depression. It’s those aspects of physical health that also directly contribute to emotional resilience.
7. Ask for Help and Delegate
You don’t have to be juggling it all. Assign responsibilities to family members (even little ones can help with age-appropriate jobs). Communicate clearly what help you need and hope others will notice.
Hire help for certain tasks such as house cleaning before guests come, elements of party set-up or clean-up afterwards — even any part of the catering you choose because it takes more time than buying pre-made deli trays to round out a meal that is largely homemade. To take part in the hosting duties shared by other family members so that all does not fall on just one person. Accept offers of help sincerely instead of turning them down out of politeness.
8. Prioritize “Why” We Celebrate the Holidays
When the stress starts to feel unmanageable, reign it in and come back to the real intention of the holidays. For most, it’s a time for being with loved ones and giving thanks for the past year and hope for the upcoming one. These main goals don’t need perfect decorations or expensive presents.
Ask yourself what you would remember in ten years. What will be remembered is not the perfection of the table setting but the conversations, the laughter and that sense of belonging. Shift that energy toward something lasting and meaningful that won’t disappear in the folds of your mind, overshadowed by pretty things no one remembers.
9. Practice Mindfulness and Breathing Techniques
Basic mindfulness practices can alleviate acute anxiety in the moment. The 4-7-8 breath consists of a four-count inhale, seven-count hold and eight-count exhale. Do that four times when life has you down.
Not a traditional meditation, but a body scan is another way to tap into that meditative focus by thinking about each part of your body from feet up through head, acknowledging tension and consciously letting it go. As little as two minutes of concentrated breath work before walking through a potential stressful door can make all the difference when it comes to achieving anxiety reduction. Apps like Headspace or Calm have guided meditations that are specifically tailored to stress relief.
10. Limit Social Media Consumption
Holiday social media is a curated highlight reel of what didn’t really happen. Continuous exposure to seemingly flawless celebrations can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy and FOMO (fear of missing out).
Consider deleting or at least taking a total break from social media during the holiday season. If that’s too much of an extreme, set a window for daily usage and unfollow accounts that make you compare. Don’t forget: The wonderful family pictures you see are hiding the curse words that were thrown just moments before those photos.
The Story of How Psychotherapy Can Alleviate Holiday Stress
Professional help can also be especially useful during the busy holiday season. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is particularly helpful for anxiety, which works to uncover and reroute thought patterns leading to holiday stress.
A psychologist is able to train you in certain relaxation techniques customized to your individual symptoms and triggers. Therapy is a confidential place to work out tough family dynamics without fear of judgment or recourse that could result if you talk about the issues with your relatives.
By working with a therapist prior to the holidays, you can prepare yourself for those tricky situations. You can role-play difficult conversations, sculpt coping strategies for certain triggers and construct a personal plan to get through the season. It’s the proactive approach, and works better than trying to deal with crisis situations when they’ve materialized.
The convenience of online therapy is particularly helpful during the typically busy holiday season. You can schedule sessions around holiday commitments and meet with your therapist from wherever you happen to be, even if that is with family in another city. For anyone in Chania (Crete) or anywhere else in Greece, online therapy means you don’t have to travel to sessions at a time when everything is already so stressful and busy.
A standard therapy goal, that of learning to set healthy boundaries, applies directly to holiday-related stress. It can be hard to refuse family obligations or to express your own needs during gatherings. Working with a psychologist, when possible, can tend these skills (CBTs) in a supportive relationship.
When To Visit The Psychologist?
It’s normal to feel some stress at the holidays, but there are signs professional help would be helpful. Identification of these warning signals should enable earlier intervention and better management.
If you have the following signs and symptoms for two weeks or longer, talk with a doctor:
Anxiety or depression serious enough to disrupt your work, relationships or daily activities
No socialisation or Christmas activities whatsoever
Suicidal or self harming thoughts which need addressing right this minute.
Using alcohol or other drugs or substances to cope with stress over holiday seasons
Symptoms lasting for more than 2 weeks with no relief
Panic attacks or intense anxiety that seems out of control
Substantial sleep disturbance of more than a few days
Despair about the future
Remember, asking for help is something you do when you are strong. You deserve not to wait until you’re at the brink of crisis to talk with a mental health professional. The skills-based training is not a long-term proposition — many only need a handful of sessions to learn concrete strategies, particularly around the holidays.
If you are in Chania or elsewhere in Crete there is mental health service available locally. A psychologist in Chania may offer face-to-face sessions, but also online therapy if coverage is there and the experience matches your situation. Don’t be afraid to get help.
Feeling Lonely at Christmas? Suggestions to Deal With It
We all struggle with loneliness during the holidays. If you are alone at Christmas, or without family nearby, here’s how to make the season more bearable — and even meaningful.
New traditions can make the holidays. Instead of concentrating on what’s lacking, plan celebration activities that accommodate your present reality. This could be helping out at the local shelter, organising a dinner for friends in similar situation, or going somewhere you have always wanted to go.
Volunteering offers connection and purpose. In Chania and all over Greece during the holidays, organizations need a little extra help. Feeding hungry at a soup kitchen, offering companionship to the elderly in care homes or gift wrapping for underprivileged children offers human interaction and benefits other peoples deride well being.
Connect with other people who may be alone as well. Friends, neighbors and colleagues who do not have their own family gatherings may welcome an invitation to celebrate with you. Building community with others who are going through the same experience can result in powerful new relationships.
Online communities offer a connection when in-person is difficult to come by. Grief, divorce or estrangement from family support groups offer sympathy from people who have been through the same experience. Virtual meetings are open to anyone regardless of geography.
Practice self-compassion during this time. Admit you’re struggling and your emotions are legitimate during the holidays. Be as nice to yourself as you would be to a friend in your position. You are actually much healthier grieving rather than being forced to be artificially cheerful.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
Is it OK not to like Christmas?
Yes, it is completely normal. A lot of people don’t like the holidays because they are stressful, in mourning, have hard family relations or simply prefer not having it. Society’s cultural obligation for us to be happy at Christmas is not representative of all the different types of people in existence. If you are not in the festive spirit, there is nothing wrong with you. Let yourself feel anything that comes up without any reaction.
How do I deal with the pressure of having a “perfect” holiday?
Begin by articulating what “good enough” would look like for you rather than seeking to be perfect. Determine the two or three things that are most important, and throw your energy behind them. Cut exposure to social media flaunting unrealistic ideals. Tell reveleurs that you’re scaling back this year. Just try to remember that the imperfect is the most memorable and loved and the perfect is quickly forgotten.
What should I do if there is family conflict during the holidays?
Keep calm, and don’t escalate the situation. You can’t control how others act, you can only control your reaction. When the temperature starts to rise, excuse yourself briefly by stepping outside or going into another room. Instead of accusations, use “I” statements. Stay away from alcohol, which reduces inhibitions and may exacerbate conflicts. Decide which subjects are going to be banished from future get-togethers after the last reunion.
Can I set up an online therapy session during the holidays?
Yes, you can do therapy online during the holidays. A lot of therapists have flexible December schedules to support the people who come in. Since it is online, you can have a session no matter where you are in the world. Reach out to your therapist or a mental health service to check availability over the holidays.
How long does Christmas anxiety last on average?
For most people, the week before Christmas is a time of peak holiday stress and it declines slowly after New Year’s Day. By the time the holiday season is over, symptoms should have gotten a whole lot better. If your anxiety continues into the middle of January and doesn’t improve over time, talk to a mental health professional. However, long-term disorders may reflect an anxiety disorder that needs appropriate intervention.
Can you say “no” to family obligations?
No, in fact it’s healthy and essential to establish boundaries with family. You can say no to invites, leave parties early or skip things that bring too much suffering. Although, some family members may take things not so well at first, but they will get used to your boundaries over time. Taking care of your mental health isn’t selfish, it’s necessary to show up authentically in relationships.
How do I combat loneliness at Christmas?
Contact people who may also be alone and ask if they would like to join you. Devote some holiday time to volunteering with local organizations that could use a hand. Establish new traditions that make you feel good, from cooking a signature dish for yourself to watching favorite movies to walking in nature. Join support groups on the internet. Maybe look to book in some therapy sessions to deal with being lonely. Finally, be kind to yourself during this hard time.
What can I do to help someone with holiday anxiety?
Hear them out without othering and affirm their emotions instead of diminishing them. Offer to help in practical ways, pick up the shopping or help with a meal. Invite them over for supper without any big pressure — strictly inform that declining is OK! Keep up each game week. Avoid giving unsolicited advice or telling them that they should be grateful or happy. If you’re worried about them, gently broach the subject of speaking to a therapist.
Conclusion
It is typical and okay to feel stressed during the holidays. Such a distance between our expectations for Christmas and the actual experience poses challenges for millions of people year after year. Knowing that you’re not alone in this battle is the first step to getting better.
The holiday anxiety tips in this post, from managing your expectations to practicing mindfulness, can really help alleviate the stress of the season. Remember there is no such thing as the “perfect” celebration and striving for perfection often strips away the true nature of holidays – connection.
In the end, Christmas is not about perfection. Awkward get-togethers where people actually show up have to be more prized than perfect events in which everyone is made to feel harried. Allow yourself to celebrate the way that is right for your real life, not one set by some unrealistic standard.
If you are struggling with holiday-related anxiety, help is available. You don’t have to go through this difficult time by yourself. A psychologist can impart individualized strategies for your situation and help you obtain skills that serve you well for the rest of the year.
If you need help managing holiday stress or anything else, please let me know. This season, one of the most important gifts you can give yourself is to take care of your mental health.
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